Getting there together – A Parent’s Guide to Term Four

Term four is about to arrive and term four is a big transition term. The one where kids are tired, routines wobble, and parents feel the pressure of the year end sprint.

These Term four parenting tips help you steady the ship, support your child emotionally, and keep your home running smoothly during the busiest stretch of the school year.

Why Term four  feels hard for you

You get a minute’s notice to bring your child’s favourite savoury snack, a plate of cupcakes for the shared lunch, and right colour t-shirt and leggings for the jump jam performance. Somehow you manage a smile as your long list got a whole lot longer!

Having to do the extra tasks for kids, while managing work and family events is not an easy thing to do. When work end of year, plus school end of year events coincide this ramps up the demands on you. This can be the last thing busy parents need at an already busy time of the year.

Term Four equals change and more change

You don’t have any let up in the Southern hemisphere, it’s a double whammy as you juggle agendas, finances and navigate emotions. Plus you have the school holidays ahead. You’re working out who will look after your kids and if you’re at home with them what will you do to keep them busy.

Northern hemisphere families don’t have this. They have had a whole term of the new school year under their belt by the time it gets to the end of the year. They already had time to get used to the new teacher. While those up North do take a break over the Christmas holidays, it doesn’t last nearly as long as it does for folks here down South. You have to manage work and your holiday schedule in one go.

There are things you can do, despite all these things you can’t change. It pays to think about what’s going to work for your children as you go into term four.

Planning is your superpower 

Kids are capable of more than we think. We do things faster and easier than them. We also make less mess. This can be a reason why we put off handing over jobs to them.

Your secret weapon here is to plan.

Then plan some more and get the kids involved in the plan.

Have a family meeting – it doesn’t have to be long.

Think of how you could hand over some of the responsibility to them. Ask your kids questions about what they will need for school. Suggest they keep a box or a chair somewhere visible. When shoes, bags and sun hats are all in one place it’s a system you have built.

Small steps like this take guesswork out of the morning and more of this micro-planning saves everyone time in the morning.

School transitions

Your kids are going to be tested as structure starts to disappear at school and they are all out of normal routines. You set up a system which is great but then there’s also some other things to consider. The other things to consider are what it’s going to be like for your kids and how they are feeling.

A plan might make you feel better but your kids are not seeing it through your eyes.

They can see it somewhat differently

Just as your kids love some of these things that the end of the year brings, they can also swing between excitement and tears.

Some kids are ok to change their direction from one thing to the next thing with very little notice. Other kids don’t like it when you make an unplanned stop at the shops on the way home. Even a short stop can be an issue. If you know what I mean then you might have kids who need much more than a little bit of notice to get used to a change. So what you do will need to be tailored to the person who is going to find it hardest to adjust to change. This means you get more chance to get everyone on board.

Your family meeting is a good start.

Planning reduces the ambush factor, especially helpful for kids who don’t like surprises.

Your other children might find term four hard because their things are not where they need to be.

You can’t expect a child who doesn’t keep track of things easily and doesn’t tolerate transitions well to adapt unless you have a way to help. Is there a way you can give them some extra time to set things up on a weekend.

Sunday night check in’s can be a 10 minute way to sort things out.

Do it after dinner before they get too tired.

Maybe your kids have some ideas of what will help them to prepare themselves.

When kids are part of the plan you are more likely to have their “buy in”.

These are all the home based changes you can help them with. This makes it easier for them to get to school and to be ready to learn.

As with all things in parenting these are not the only things that affect the conditions your child is in and how they respond to the demands they face. The next part of the blog looks at some of the other things that make term four hard.

Classroom dynamics

What’s going on in the classroom in term four? 

Consider these ideas –

What is it my child finds difficult?

What could be done to make it easier?

The typical school year has structure built into it for good reason.

Kids learn better when they have consistent rhythms and routines. The routine and rhythms help children to know what is coming up and what they need to do. In term four the rhythm that they have been used to gets disrupted. There are extra events and rehearsals that happen instead. When children are expected to participate in end of year activities it can be a lot.

Don’t underestimate how this change in routine can affect them.

If your child is having a problem one of these changes could be a reason for that. Be curious about it.

Friendship issues could also be impacting  your children. It’s stressful when friendships change or the friend is moving to another place. Maybe a friend isn’t being friendly. Children can struggle to find new friends amongst their peers. It can be a scary dynamic for them.

The classroom culture changes in term four and having a leaving ritual can help to ease this uncomfortable time. Some families like to take kids to the beach for a fun picnic, or maybe there’s an ice cream they were going to have anyway and you talk about how it’s good to mark the occasion.

It doesn’t have to be expensive to be meaningful – you could switch off your phone and sit with the children to watch a favourite film. You create a lot of connection and it can ground your kids. In these moments you are helping them to adjust.

Be ready to listen

Leaving the familiar classroom dynamic which their teacher spent a lot of time building can be unsettling for many children. It takes some time to adjust. Children have worries and concerns about moving to a new teacher.

Will my new teacher like me?

What if I can’t do the work I am asked to do?

Relationships with teachers and other students are very important to our children’s success. The transition into Intermediate and High school involve less personal learning environments. There is more than one teacher and so more than one relationship to build. Keep being aware of what’s going on and be available to listen to the ups and downs when needed.

There’s a really good chance that the time your kids want to chat to you is not going to be a convenient one for you.

Ways to connect

Listening to kids well is a skill we can use to create stronger bonds. It can be helpful and it can make things go better at this busy time of year. Even when you are time poor you can shift a grumpy mood at home. This is not a time to tell your kids to “snap out of it.” Instead encourage steps in the right direction. Ditch furious and switch to curious with an open question. It could sound like this –

“How would you like this to turn out?”

“What is going to work for you?”

Roadblocks to communication include statements like these

Remember we can put petrol on the flames by adding these words – 

“You never….remember to bring your gear home.” and “You always…take so long to do anything.”

Look for the simple and small ways your child is adjusting to the change already – 

“Hmmmm I noticed that you stayed in bed without calling out, you are improving.”

Your teens could appreciate you giving them this sort of acknowledgement.

“Setting your alarm clock seems to be working for you at the moment.”

Prepare for the return from school

No matter how organised we are we also need to expect some unexpected bumps along the way. It’s expected for parents to feel a bit stressed when we have everyone back at home after a long day. There is so much to do to get ready for the next one.

Watch out for the feeling of overwhelm that can crop up. Take a moment to give yourself what you need to keep going. Simple ways to create a feeling of calm in ourselves and keep a predictable routine in place at home really make a difference. Put some music on to help create a soothing atmosphere. Have some easy snacks (fruit or veg and some crackers can be quick options) and water ready.

This acts as a way to settle yourself and your kids.

There is a lot of goodness that comes from the every day ordinary things we do over and over again. It’s a rhythm we create.

 

 

Those moments when we see our children after school are important for setting the tone.

You might like to know that in the time I have worked with parents I have had hundreds of people tell me about a memory the have of their own childhood. They have told me about their parents having a minute to sit with them at afternoon tea or after dinner and it’s something they still treasure many years after.

You have a chance, even when it’s busy to slow down time and just be with your kids. Even when it’s term four and it’s messy and less structured.

It’s in anticipating the jumble of emotion and the inevitable setbacks that you make it a normal experience, one that isn’t going to be perfect or with a fluffy bunny wumpkins feel to it all the time.

Kids need our adult brains to help steady them, no matter what sort of mood they are in. If you can do that it’s way better than winning a cup or trophy at school prizegiving. You’re giving them the feeling that they matter and that’s one that they can have for life.